What is dignity anyway? What is it supposed to mean? They say everyone has it – the whole human dignity thing. But do I really? Doesn't always feel like it. Not sure if my behavior lines up exactly. Maybe it is beneath my dignity, but who doesn't like messing around with different girls every weekend? Seems like that's what everyone is doing. People seem pretty happy with the whole situation.

Most guys like this, don't they? I'm supposed to enjoy it. To want the whole no-strings attached thing. I enjoy it in the moment. But I never feel all that happy the next day. Not any big deal, just not the high you're supposed to feel after you scored big. But I keep chasing it, thinking that sleeping with the next girl will do the trick. Seems like my friends like doing this. Shouldn't I? Isn't it supposed to make me feel good.

But you know what? I really don't. I've been pretty down lately. I can't seem to put my finger on why. Can't seem to get motivated for practice. Or to get myself to study for that midterm coming up. What's with me? What am I even doing? This whole sleeping around thing was supposed to make me feel like a real man, but it actually just feels pretty meaningless. Why do I keep doing it? There's got to be more to it than this. More to me than this.

Maybe I've been settling for less than who I am. As a man. Living beneath my dignity. Could that be it? I don't know, but I know I don't want to keep this up. This isn't the type of man I want to be...the type of man I know I can be.

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