Yeah, I thought I was tough. I worked hard…studied hard…gave my all every practice…tried to do the right thing. My friends said they could count on me. But where was the strength to say no when it came to those late nights with random girls every weekend? I didn't even try to fight the urges. That's what college is all about right? I wanted to enjoy the scene while I could. Life my life. You only go to college once. So why should I have cared then if I was always taking girls home after a party where we both drank too much? They always knew what they were getting into…I think. I thought it was what we were supposed to do. Thought it would make me happy. It did for a while, I guess.


But what's so tough about taking some girl home? I believe in living a clean life, being disciplined, so why did I just let myself go every weekend? Why didn't I care how any of it would affect my life after college? I was just trying to have fun; it meant I could make out with some girl at a party with and then go home with another one. Went on like this for years. As long as she wanted to it was ok. But looking back, I missed out on more than I gained.


There was that one girl I actually liked. We never had an actual friendship. She never knew who I really was or what I really wanted in life. Not like I told her either. But maybe if I hadn't been so focused on getting her back to my dorm…so focused on sex. Maybe if I had had the strength to get to know her for who she was. I always regretted that. She was worth so much more than the late night college life. I never had the strength to show her that.


My friends now, the ones I really care about, they didn't go through college like this. They don't have all the baggage. They are happy, they have real relationships; some of them are on their way to having families of their own. If I put my past aside, if I start over…I could become the man I want to be…I could have real strength…I could be that guy I never was before. I could do it right next time.





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